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August 10th, 2006

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June 17th, 2006

09:32 pm Blaaah. Here we go. Posted this at MySpace too because I'm that overwhelmed. Good or bad first? Maybe bad, so the good will make me feel better. I was having a relatively good day, then my mom picked me up from Caroline's. On the ride home.. 'I've been meaning to ask you. Why is Hamzeh (my cousin) bad-mouthing you?' 'Bad-mouthing me? Like how?' 'He says you hang around with guys a lot. You're always with them. (blah blah blah)' .... SO. I thought he cared about me. :3 Apparently NOT. Not to mention he's the one with a new girl on his arm every hour of the day, 24/7. Then I come home, ask my sister to let me on for FIVE MINUTES since apparently in the five days I was gone they managed to botch my computer up to the point even AIM Express doesn't work. She refuses, of course. It's -her- computer. Uh. Guess the childhood philosophy of sharing is out the window. Speaking of which, I come home. Excited to be here. Missed you all. But now I wonder--aside from Marcos and Caroline--what DID I miss? (By the way, was at a friends cabin for five days) My youngest sister didn't even give me a hug or say hi when I came back. But my cousin ran at me screaming and wouldn't let go. My middle sister hasn't seen me for six days and starts off by sassing me. My parents are arguing. I get called a lazy bum when I've JUST started my vacation after my first year of high school. My dad tells me how my sisters have been nagging him for letting me go to the cabin. So my dad says he's going to start cracking down on me harder and to just let him so they don't think he loves me more than them. This is NOT FAIR. My youngest sister--who is SIX YEARS YOUNGER--gets EVERY PRIVLEDGE I GET. Jesus. I sound like a brat, I know. :3 So much for family. Not to mention, I meet a great guy. I really have this time. He's exciting, respectful, funny, etc. And he's the kind of guy who likes to meet his girlfriend's parents. The problem? He can't meet mine because they'd shoot him. And I can't even fully enjoy myself around him because I feel like a dirty slut holding his hand behind my parents' back. And now I've melded the good with the bad so it doesn't even sound good anymore. I can't even pretend to be happy right now, anyway. Not to mention I came home eager to sleep in my own bed and it deflated on me! What joys tomorrow will bring I can't even begin to imagine. I leave you with one big SIGH. ~'Am I allowed to kiss you?'~ Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Hinder - Lips of An Angel

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May 29th, 2006

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May 24th, 2006

11:23 pm Wow. Hello, Livejournal. How have you been? I have been scouring American Idol results shows waiting for Clay Aiken to show up. And guess what. It took the whole season, but he finally did and it was well worth it. As Gohan kindly pointed out, it has been a miraculous 3-4 years since my Clay obsession first started. And I loved pointing it out to my mom that I am a -devoted- lover. :( Speaking of luuuuurve. I think. If Jake and Matt don't stop fucking around with me... they -may- be the first people to get me to my breaking point. I've been contemplating getting someone to throw around their scrawny asses, and if I can't find anyone willing, I'll do it myself. And, I think I made a mistake watching Clay again before going to bed. :( Now all I can do is lay awake in bed thinking of him. PATHTEIC. I know. ~'There are two rules you should follow in life. Rule 1: Never tell anyone everything you know.'~ Current Mood: infatuated Current Music: Deep Dish - Dreams

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March 6th, 2006

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March 4th, 2006

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February 27th, 2006

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December 25th, 2005

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December 23rd, 2005

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December 18th, 2005

01:10 pm Greed: Very Low   Gluttony: Very Low   Wrath: Very Low   Sloth: Low   Envy: Very Low   Lust: Very Low   Pride: Very Low   Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz I would think my Sloth rating would be a bit higher, but I guess I have been trying harder to be more active. XD ... There is something seriously wrong with me. I'm still. So. Happy. ;__; I swear to God, I'm sitting her alone, listening to a song... and I can't stop smiling. But I can't figure out WHY. Things/people that are making me happy, though are.. --Dobin~ --Clear --Gohan --Jams --Rockie --Kaija! --Eric --Erin --The snow in my backyard. There's so much of it and it's UNTOUCHED. --Kylia --This song. --The blanket. Over there. On my bed. o_o --The pillow I'm sitting on. --My iPod from Clear. --A-Mazing Chocolates. --Puchi Puri Yuushi The list is too long. I give up. Something upsetting me though.. I'MBROKEANDISTILLDON'THAVEALLTHEGIFTSINEEDWHENISCHRISTMASGOINGTOBEOVER?! ::breathes:: I need a job. OR.. ::sets up kissing booth:: ;3 Seriously, though. I wanna just squeeze someone in a hug and laugh and jump and go to the mall and try on stupid hats again and, and, and. Yeah. Being angry/upset takes too much energy. Being happy gives an endless amount of energy. YES. This post had NO MEANING TO IT. Get over it. ~'I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die.'~ --You know. I always read this and was all; 'That's... not funny.' until the other day my friend recited the quote and then when antoher buddy-buddy didn't get it she whispered 'Women!' and I GOT IT. AHAHAH. ... I need a tranq gun. Current Mood: BUBBLICIOUS, BABY Current Music: Rascal Flatts - Love You Out Loud

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December 15th, 2005

01:47 am I am so.. freaking.. BUBBLY. I thought I could sleep it off, but I swear it's even worse. SO MUCH LAV. ♥! Bubblicious! Bloop. Homework time, then I'm going to suck it up and use this iPod Nano, despite the fear that I'll somehow destroy it. AHHH. <33 ~'Believe in yourself and NOTHING will stop you.'~ --See? I read it. =3 Current Mood: BUBBLICIOUS Current Music: Celldweller - Stay with Me (Unlikely) (Still)

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December 11th, 2005

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December 7th, 2005

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November 30th, 2005

10:39 pm So. Assignment was to make a list of long-term goals. Here we go. 1 - Give Russell Her Birthday Present (Yes, this could take a while. Shut up.) 2 - Visit Anderson. (Again, this could take a while.) 3 - Graduate. 4 - Get Nasset's Cookie Recipe 5 - Leave My Living Hell 6 - Get A Job 7 - Get A Life I think those are some pretty good goals. Now, my rushed short-term goals. Get an outfit for Sadie's (Which is on FRIDAY. Dammit.) Clear tried to scare Matt out of going to Sadie's with me, and I was secretly holding out on getting my outfit in hopes he would cancel. He hasn't. I could've easily avoided the situation by saying no. Too bad I suck at that. Not to mention Health has somewhat scared me and I'm scared someone will slip GHB or something into my drink. Which reminds me, Nilsen got all worried about his wife when he learned about GHB and called her and all that fun, cute stuff. I should add 'Nab a Nilsen' to my goals. On a different note. Gin can drive, we can go out ADULT-LESS now. ~'I want to get shot in the head or something so Nilsen can 911 me.'~ --Hahah. I've probably played this joke to death. =( But it's so fun. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Emergency - Paramore

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November 27th, 2005

08:12 pm The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo! Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Level Score Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very High Level 2 (Lustful) Low Level 3 (Gluttonous) Low Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Low Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Low Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) High Level 7 (Violent) Low Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Moderate Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Low Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test Disorder Rating Paranoid Personality Disorder: Low Schizoid Personality Disorder: Low Schizotypal Personality Disorder: High Antisocial Personality Disorder: Low Borderline Personality Disorder: Low Histrionic Personality Disorder: High Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Low Avoidant Personality Disorder: High Dependent Personality Disorder: High Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: High -- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info -- Amazingly, I finished my homework. THEN I got bored and did these. Ironic how I can be both Histrionic and Avoidant. Quizzes fail. A lot. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Duncan Sheik - Barely Breathing

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November 15th, 2005

07:22 am It's nearing noon. I can hear men talking outside my Room. They are walking to the Dining Hall they are laughing about something I wonder what they'll feel when the laughing stops. In here laughing is the only drug. Laughing or love. They're both drugs.' A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Go out. Buy it. Read it. Now. At the age of 23, James Frey woke up on a plane to find his four front teeth knocked out, his nose broken, and a hole through his cheek. He had no idea where the plane was headed nor any recollection of the past two weaks. an alcoholic for ten years and a crack addict for thee, he checked into a treatment facility shortly after landing. There he was told he could either stop using or die before he reached age 24. This is Frey's acclaimed account of his six weeks in rehab. The summary hardly does it justice. But really, if you need shit to do, get this book. Although if you don't already talk like a trucker, you may after reading this book. Hurr. ~'If there was a God, I would spit in his face for subjecting me to this. If there was a Devil, I would sell him my soul to make it end. If there was something Higher that controlled our individual fates, I would tell it to take my fate and shove it up its fucking ass. Shove it hard and far, you Motherfucker. Please end. Please end. Please end.'~ --Another excerpt. Surprise. Current Mood: fuck. Current Music: Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days

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November 13th, 2005

10:34 pm Dances suck. And no, the fact I can't dance is not the main reason anymore. My date to my first dance sucks. He's full of himself, according to Gin. And he tells me he'll probably be standoffish at the dance. Plus, he's been telling people -I- asked -him- to go. ... ::strangling motion:: Not to mention the group I'm going with is ginormous. 25-30 girls with their dates. That's 50-60 people. WHY? And I normally don't mind buying shit for people. But how am I going to explain I'll need roughly $100 for a dance, without letting my parents in on the fact I'm paying for myself and my date. The fun part is I get to dress up like a cowgirl thing. The perfect excuse to buy cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. Once I tell my parents about the dance, that is. Everyone says 'You should've said no! Tell him off! He's using you! Blah blah blah!' Yeah, that's great advice and whatnot Problem is, I'm one fucked up little cookie. ~'Now I know I have a heart, because it is breaking.'~ --Tin Man, Wizard of Oz Courtesy of Gohan Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: Good stuff.

November 6th, 2005

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October 25th, 2005

11:40 pm So like, two weeks ago, Natalia took me to Barnes and Noble. While we were there she bought a gift for Chad and I bought this Astrology book that hit the nail on the head so well it was scary. Then I read like.. 80% of the Gemini stuff to Gohan and Neko and they were both 'Hell yes!' more than not. Natalia used the compatibility part of the book to see how things should've/could've gone with our respective ex-loves. Taurus and Libra is apparently a no-go. Cancer and Taurus coud be a match made in Heaven. Natalia and I just sulked though and got depressed, so she bought me a chocolate bar to eat later after I broke my fast. I need to stop craving sweets when I'm upset. I'm gonna get so fat. Hm, anyway. After my doctor appointment, we went to Cheapo and I bought three CDs. Two used, one new. 3 Doors Down - The Better Life, Puddle of Mudd - Come Clean, and NickelBack - All The Right Reasons. I've heard some of the 3 Doors Down songs on the 'The Better Life' CD, I've heard one or two of Puddle of Mudd but I'm really obsessing over my new Nickelback one. I also wanted this Unwritten Law CD, and Dane Cook's CD, but I couldn't find Dane Cook and I couldn't find a used version of Unwritten Law. So, sucks for me. There's always next time and I'm happy with my purchases. I don't think I'll have to buy anything new anytime soon, though. I can't seem to stop listening to the NickelBack CD. I tried changing it to Puddle of Mudd, but immediately switched back to NickelBack. Yeah. It's just that great. And as a small update, it's a good thing I didn't buy 'em 'cause Gin, the sweetie, managed to get a friend of hers to burn me most of Dane's CDs. Score. Back to the book. I almost had to laugh at how the book described my tantrums because it was so true. And because I'm vain, here are some excerpts of the Cancer persona. ( Blah. ) I've been told already no one is so perfect they'll put up with all of -my- vices. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. My mom confronted me about leaving and while she hasn't said when... it's pretty much solid she's leaving. She said that she and my dad need a break from each other. What they really need is to go live on opposite sides of the Earth and stay there. My mom gave me her cell phone, though. It's with Cingular and pretty nifty. Except I think I broke it already. Oops? Pity since now if Eric actually cares enough to call me, I won't get the call. Guess I should get it fixed soon. ALSO. I bought a carnivorous plant called a Cobra Lily and she's the cutest thing in the world. Natalia bought one too. Then went back and bought one for a friend and a second one for herself. And we both are so addicted and want some more. I even saw mine eat a lady bug. My dad blew his last fuse this weekend. He absolutely went psychotic and unlike my usual self, I had a time with him and pretty much flipped him off with my silence rather than my fingers. And then I pulled my usual stunt and locked myself in the bathroom. But even though I shook as if I was sobbing and my eyes watered up, no tears fell. For once. About time. We finally made it to Chicago, too, to see my mom's sister from Germany and 3 of her five daughters. One is my age, Razan, and she's gorgeous. We're both Cancers apparently, and it wasn't until the end we started to talk and hang out together. I love my Uncle Omar, who I affectionately refer to as The Dude, and it was heartbreaking having to leave him. It was hard leaving anyone there. My grandma is so ill, and I'm worried sick for her. They're coming here on Thursday and we're making plans to go to Dubai over Christmas break... but when we said bye the only ones who didn't cry were me, the 15-month old baby, my grandpa (as far as I saw) and Natalia. Don't get me wrong. I felt like crying, but the tears just wouldn't come once again. Blah blah blah. This is a hella long. And it could go on to be ten times longer, but I'll spare you all that ramble. ~'This time, this place Misused, mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait? Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, You know, you know That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me And you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, You know, you know That I loved you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me And you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know.. I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I need you I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Hold on to me and Never let me go'~ --I did say I was obsessed, didn't I? Bugger off. Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance; Sugar, We're Goin' Down

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